It's 4 in the morning // you know where I'll be..

Wake up in an outline and try to speak with the shattered voice of the lives we lead..
5:09 pm at Saturday, Dec. 20, 2003

And so the general state of being declines..Everything follows the steady descent downhill and I have nothing left to do but follow it. My grandmother is sick. She looks horrible. Why is it that the holiday with the most supposed cheer is always the most unfortunate and the most depressing? My life is constantly hanging in the balance of something out of my control and my every day life depends on it. I've come to the conclusion that there are way too many emotions that can be expressed and way too many chances to express them. One of the hardest to feel is the one that I need desperately--numbness. Things were so much easier when I didn't know what was going on. Maybe oblivion is the key to sucess. If the point of existing is merely to exist then why do we as humans feel so much?

"There's a halo of guilt hanging around your neck, next to the rosary you count, falling asleep and we're praying to treat the symptoms of letting go all of our hope.."--THURSDAY

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