It's 4 in the morning // you know where I'll be..

Guess the screaming runs in the family.
9:04 pm at Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004

Today: clearly ridiculous boarding very pointless. I've done damn close to nothing even though I was supposed to be allowed out. Of course that didn't happen for unknown, extenuating circumstances that I actually have no clue as to what they are. I think I must be taken as a joke, or that I don't matter or something. I asked to go out for 2 hours. 2 hours. Obviously, once again, this is too much to ask for someone that doesn't give a shit about me. I pretty much despise the feeling and I can't seem to get around that. It's not that feeling illegitimate is not exciting (pshh.) but it's more the fact that I am going crazy. I have not left the house to have fun in approximately 14 days and 5 hours. Fun is strictly banned for me. When I seem to be having some fun it gets ripped away in anyway possible, usually by the fastest & most painful means. I guess even though my life is irratic and random, I can always count on not being able to do anything. Not exactly the idea of stability I had in mind.

Just to prove exactly how worthless I am to my family, I've been sitting up here since around 5, doing absolutely less than nothing. No one in my family has come up to check on me, or even ask what I was doing. I could have been dead for 3 hours by now and no one would even know. Obviously it's very comforting to come home to this everyday.

In closing, I hate the holidays. I hate my family. I hate sitting home doing jack shit on nights I should be out having at least a little fun, like a normal teenager. I hate losing the only good thing I've ever had because of something I can't control. I hate never knowing and I hate being broke.

D.C. tomorrow. I hope it sucks and makes my weekend.

"If I could flip this table I'd stab you with every word that lied its way

out of your head."--POISON THE WELL

<< >>