It's 4 in the morning // you know where I'll be..

And if you think I'm thinking of your value here..
9:37 pm at Sunday, Mar. 21, 2004

I write in here less frequently than I would like now, but I haven't really done enough to talk about. I'm mostly busy with school work and the like.

As for this weekend, it was uneventful as always. I stayed up pretty late on Friday night/Saturday morning to watch the movie Thirteen. Not only was I intrigued the whole movie (which is rare), but even at 12:30 on a Friday night it was worth sitting alone in my room to watch. In its entirety, might I add. I guess from the third person point of view the girl's behavior was overly eccentric. The eccentricities (saying "fuck" every other word, the excess verbal & physical abuse of family members), while they seemed to resonate with me. I don't know exactly why they resonated, because I can't say that I've ever acted to that extent. Perhaps it's what the producers wanted the viewers to feel. Either way, it was effective.

I did feel one thing that I didn't expect to feel at all: sympathy. It wasn't sympathy for the girl because she chose her own actions and passage through life, but for the mother and the girl's brother. They could do nothing to stop the girl nor could they have much defense against her actions.

Another thing that struck me was the fact that I had been in a situation far worse than she, who was made fun of for her monkey socks. I mean honestly, the world is corrupt. If a simple comment about monkey socks can make you maniac-depressive, suicidal, a drug user and someone who gives themselves away to every guy that walks by, then perhaps you need a reality check.

Kids are brutal, this is true, but where does their power come from? These kids that possess this immense amount of "power" only obtain it from those kids who allow them to. The idolatry of someone who is clearly less than human. In theory, idols would have no faults. In stories, idols have one fault that is their end. In reality, idols have a few faults which are made known to the public before their achievements. In adolescence, idols have many faults, all of which are not visible/are ignored by their worshippers.

In the end I was left wondering if anyone is aware of morals anymore. If, per chance, her morals had been more fiercely applied, if she would have made those decisions she did. I felt that even though I was left with many questions unanswered, that my two hours were two hours well spent. They were well spent on a chillingly real (almost documentary) of a good girl and moral child gone dangerously awry by society and its downfalls. I would recommend it for anyone who's curious about society and its effect on adolescence but there are definitely some scenes that are not for the weak of heart. To witness her cutting herself (which they do show in detail) was rather disturbing, but it portrayed a point. The whole movie is proof to the world and the viewers that this risky lifestyle is very real and more common than your typical American would like to admit.

"You can't explain how it's come to be this.."--FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

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